Operation n

Thanks to ICE for sending this to me, I loved it :)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!
• JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

• Sex,
• Sport,
• Cars,
• or Computers

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education

"Mr Daw, tell me, how do I hack into other people’s computers?"

"Excuse me?" Michael said responding in a low, calm voice.

"I want to be able to hack into computers in any place and at any time, how do I do it?"

Michael had been delivering a security awareness training session with a group of young developers at the London University. The Computer Science professor was an old friend, and often invited Michael to share experiences and deliver talks to his class on a variety of discussions. How to hack into a computer was a question Michael had heard many times during his career, and one that always brought a smile to his face. It was a question that many frowned upon when asked, but for some reason he never tired of hearing it. Hearing the question mean’t two things to Michael. First, this individual obviously feels I may know something of the subject, and second, if I had the power or knowledge to give away such a pearl of wisdom in a single sentence, I would truly be a wizard and probally not driving a beaten up old Fiat.

Michael paused for a minute looking into the young man’s eyes which were becoming increasingly eager for a response.

"Reaching that pinnicle of knowledge and skill requires a life devoted to the art. It is no different from mastering music from composers such as Mozart, or Bach."

The young man’s face frowned. This was obviously not the answer he had expected. As he looked for words, Michael continued:

"The subtle difference with the art of hacking from many other arts, is how the individual chooses to use such talent as it is forged and developed."